19 - Day 4, Chapter 1 (AMITYL)

Step One - Feeling 

* How can I describe this feeling?

I am feeling pretty good right now. I had an idea this morning to write a letter to my past 'me', forgiving and accepting the decisions I made back then, as at the time I did what I felt was best for me, and even though now I know different, I shouldn't blame myself for what I didn't know.

* Am I sad, fearful or anxious?

Excited actually, I can't wait to see what this letter is going to turn out like. I might even publish it on this blogspot.

* Am I all three, and more?

I get the feeling it's going to free me of a lot of hang-up's I have about myself, and quieten my ego as I have finally let go of myself.

* Where do I feel this in my body?

In my chest, but it's light, like this feeling doesn't weigh very much and I am happy because of it.

* What does it feel like?

Satisfaction, closure.

* Is it raw?

No, it's new and it shines and it's comfortable.

* Does it have color?

Light yellow

* What shape is it?

Like a cloud

* Is it tight?

No, it's free flowing

* What is underneath it?

ME!

* Is there a word that is associated with it?

Forgiveness (I think I am racing ahead in chapter of the book here, but it feels like the right thing to do, and I am ok with that).

* A person?

Me, yesterday's me.

* A time?

The previous 27 years 

Step Two - Rethinking 

* What are are beliefs I have about myself that are holding me back?  

Writing a letter to my 'past me' wont make me feel any better about myself, nor my past actions. How do I know this to be truth? I haven't even done it yet? 
People will think I am stupid for doing so. The people that matter, don't mind, and the people that mind, don't matter. 

Step Three - Rethinking + Moving 

I am skipping the dancing today and I am going to spend time writing my letter. I was dancing in the car on the way to work thinking how beautiful today is, which is positive progress I am impressed with. 

Step Four - Receiving (Meditating/~ing Write) 

Guided meditation. 

Final thoughts: I am so happy at how my mood has changed in only a couple of days. I am learning to focus on today rather than yesterday or tomorrow. I am learning that I can show love to the people that love me and in doing so I feel better for it, rather than vulnerable like my ego kept portraying. I feel like if this is the positive result I am seeing at day 4 of chapter 1, then imagine what life is going to be like in 12 months when I finally finish! I am so excited to be doing this.

Willow 
x x 

For more information on this please head to http://www.addmoreing.com/ and purchase the book "Add More ~ing To Your Life" written by Gabrielle Bernstein, or post a question below in comments and I will try to answer you as best I can. 

Thank you for reading.

 

18 - Day 3, Chapter 1 (AMITYL)

As you can tell I haven't get an AMITYL entry here. Instead, I decided to add some extra pages onto my blogspot. I am most proud of "About Willow" so please, feel free to have a read and let me know what you think! I am super proud of it and was super happy about it yesterday, which is why I decided to skip a day of Chapter 1.

Willow

x x

For more information on this please head to http://www.addmoreing.com/ and purchase the book "Add More ~ing To Your Life" written by Gabrielle Bernstein, or post a question below in comments and I will try to answer you as best I can. 

 

Thank you for reading.

 

 

17 - Day 2, Chapter 1 (AMITYL)

Step One - Feeling

* How can I describe this feeling?

Right now I feel like I am not me. This person isn't me. I. CAN'T. FEEL. ME. I am so detached from how I am actually feeling it scares me, or maybe I'm not and I'm not letting my feelings through. I do what I always do and box my feelings away and find myself getting angry at the smallest of issues completely unrelated to anything what-so-ever. My boyfriend told me today that he felt like he didn't know me anymore. This is the man I want to spend the rest of my life with... giving me a HUGE hint that I need to do something to get control of myself, and I once again detached myself from it and replied without emotions. I need help!!

* Am I sad, fearful or anxious?

I am scared that I am going to lose not only myself, but the person I am going to love for the rest of my life as well.

* Am I all three, and more?

It makes me sad.

* Where do I feel this in my body?

My heart mainly, but all over. It sits in my throat.

* What does it feel like?

Like emptiness.

* Is it raw?

Extremely.

* Does it have color?

Black / Gray

* What shape is it?

Black hole

* Is it tight?

Consuming and constricting.

* What is underneath it?

Sadness, lost hope, nothingness.

* Is there a word that is associated with it?

Failure, isolation, being alone. 

* A person?

My ex. He used to hurt me to a point I couldn't mentally handle it and I developed a way of "dealing" with my feelings by looking at the situation like it wasn't me in it, just give myself advise and move on... without actually CHANGING anything. It's almost like I have stuck with that stupid notion that by removing my emotions from the equation, they no longer exist and I apply it to all areas when I don't want to 'deal' with emotions.

* A time?

All the time. 

Step Two - Rethinking 

* What are are beliefs I have about myself that are holding me back? 

I am losing my boyfriend. My boyfriend and I are growing stronger together every day.
I am going to end up alone. My boyfriend and I will grow old together and we're going to be a very happy old wrinkly pair.
I am going to lose myself and become some sort of robot without feelings. I am already moving in the opposite direction to become an emotional life force!
I wont be able to handle my emotions when they surface. I am handling my emotions already, and doing a great job of it. 
My depression will come back and I wont know what to do. Only if I let it, and I choose to be happy. 

Step Three - Rethinking + Moving 

Today's dance soundtrack is:

30 Seconds To Mars - Closer To The Edge
Alicia Keys - Wait Till They See My Smile 

I turned the lights off, closed the bedroom door and put on my sleepy eye mask to stop myself from opening my eyes and getting detracted. The main thought that came to me was that I shouldn't blame myself for what I did in the past, because at the time it was the best thing I knew how to do, and now I know better and I should use my knowledge now to help free all of my pain. I thought of my boyfriend and I growing old together and I cried. 

Step Four - Receiving (Meditating/~ing Write) 

Guided meditation. 

Final thoughts: I love my boyfriend, why am I holding back from him? What am I afraid of so much that would make me risk losing him? All I have to do to get through ANYTHING is breath. Just continue breathing. I am willing to change.

Willow
x x 

For more information on this please head to http://www.addmoreing.com/ and purchase the book "Add More ~ing To Your Life" written by Gabrielle Bernstein, or post a question below in comments and I will try to answer you as best I can.

Thank you for reading.

16 - Day 1, Chapter 1 (AMITYL)

Step One - Feeling

* How can I describe this feeling?

I don't know what feeling I am meant to be feeling. Right now I feel a huge lump in my chest, almost like the pain you get in your neck when you have a sore throat, or you're really nervous. It's almost at the bottom of my lungs, and my shoulders are really tight and my neck is stiff.

* Am I sad, fearful or anxious?

I am anxious that I am not sure if I am going to be able to identify any repressed feelings. I know they are there, and I know there is more than 1, but I don't know where to start! I am also anxious that I am going to harm my baby, as I am 5 months pregnant, but I have come to the conclusion I am doing my baby more harm by doing nothing than by doing something, and by doing this myself I am hoping my baby will come into this world knowing that you have to "feel it to heal it".

* Am I all three, and more?

More. I am also excited that this might work, but if there is one thing my ego is shouting loud and clear is "if this doesn't work then you have nothing left... what's worse, doing this and having nothing, or not doing it and still having hope?"

* Where do I feel this in my body?

My heart.

* What does it feel like?

Well now I am a little sad that I have let my ego take control of my mind right now, but  am hopeful that I will get to the bottom of this negative feeling and be able to acknowledge it for what it is, a lie, a deception and a limiting belief.

* Is it raw?

Very.

* Does it have color?

It's almost like the 'nothingness' from the movie The Never Ending Story. It comes in and wipes everything out, having said that I love storms and there is one rolling in outside so it's like I have my own background special effects to this blog. However I wouldn't say it has a color, although I keep thinking Red for some reason.

* What shape is it?

Empty.

* Is it tight?

Consuming and constricting.

* What is underneath it?

Sadness, lost hope, nothingness.

* Is there a word that is associated with it?

Failure. 

* A person?

Myself, and maybe my mum. It's always been a habit of mum's that if she can't see how it's going to happen then it can't happen. She never meant it in a bad way, but in a more 'think logical' and 'don't put all your eggs in one basket' kind of way. I blame myself as well for 1) listening to her and 2) letting my ego take off and run with it, so now I have a bad habit of thinking if I can't see how, then it can't happen.

* A time?

All the time. 

Step Two - Rethinking 

* What are are beliefs I have about myself that are holding me back? 

I am always scared to take that final leap of faith and trust everything will be alright. I trust myself, and I trust life.

I am terrible with money and I am always going to be living from pay week to pay week. I am fantastic with money, and I always have more than enough.

I am awkward to be around most of the time, which is why I don't have many friends. I am fun and joyful and people enjoy spending time with me.

I am average looking, some days even worse. I am beautiful just the way I am.

I am lazy. I am motivated.

I am never going to find a way to be independent without the help of my parents. I am independent.

I am the boring sensible girlfriend, not the fun loving and happy girlfriend. I am the best girlfriend in the whole wide world and my boyfriend loves me very much!

I am going to have the same negative habits as my mum. I am me, and I make my own decisions about the way I feel. 

Step Three - Rethinking + Moving 

Today's dance soundtrack is:

30 Seconds To Mars - Closer To The Edge

Gwen Stefain - What You Waiting For?

MGMT - Time To Pretend

I turned the lights off, closed the bedroom door and put on my sleepy eye mask to stop myself from opening my eyes and getting detracted. As soon as the first track started I almost cried because I was actually doing something to move on from my old feelings. I even sang along, but I need to remember to repeat the positive affirmations in my mind as I am dancing. All in all I feel better than I did 15 minutes ago, the feeling of empowerment came to me as I was dancing. 

Step Four - Receiving (Meditating/~ing Write) 

Guided meditation. 

Final thoughts: I need more practice with this. I am constantly detracted by outside noises and worried that someone is gong to walk in on me and think I am a weirdo for meditating. I found myself fidgeting and resisting when I let my ego take over and not get involved in the meditation like I should have done. Having said that I am glad for doing it, and I feel better for completing day 1, even if this last step took a while to do. I know I will get better that this and more comfortable with this, and I know I am going to be a better person because of this.

Willow
x x  

For more information on this please head to http://www.addmoreing.com/ and purchase the book "Add More ~ing To Your Life" written by Gabrielle Bernstein, or post a question below in comments and I will try to answer you as best I can.

Thank you for reading.

23 - Keep It Simple Stupid

It's been a couple of days since I have been here but I have to admit my time hasn't been wasted. I have stumbled across some fantastic and awe inspiring blogs and ideas and videos I want to briefly share with you. Although there has been quite a few, I'll give you my top 3.

Firstly I came across a blog written by a woman named El on her site that made me think more about manifestation and appreciation and what role it plays in our lives. The blog is called "The Art Of Non-Resistance" if you would like to read it specifically, and it involves the Law of Attraction. Her passion and appreciation really shined through her words and brought some hope back that I too am able to manifest what I desire into my life... HOWEVER... I have to appreciate and give thanks for what is happening NOW in my life, especially the small stuff, instead of sitting around worrying if I have meditated right or aligned myself with the universe correctly that the universe has understood what I have asked for. I should FEEL the feelings of what I want and BELIEVE I am going to receive good things in my life.

Of course I have known this for a while but El's blog really brought it back home, as of late I haven't been aligned with much positivity because I have been focusing on the negatives happening right now and the thought that what I am trying to manifest wont happen. Ultimately what that means, is more of the negative stuff and what I desire will continue to not happen. Starting this blog for myself is the beginning of a snow ball effect of positivity for me.

The second I want to mention is a blog by Henrik Edberg called 'The Positivity Blog'. I was able to download a free e-book of his called The 7 Timeless Habits of Happiness that you too can download here. It doesn't take very long to read and helps simplify the steps you could take to avoid confusion or being completely overwhelmed by what can seem like a sometimes unrealistic dream... to be happy. Sometimes in this world we get so caught up in what's happened and what's happening and what we need to do, that it all becomes a great big blur and we (especially me) forget that we should "keep it simple stupid!"

Learn to walk before we can run, that a long journey starts with a single step and actions speak louder than words. It's so easy to forget in the hussle and bussle of day to day life, that the simple things like a deep breath, a gentle smile or even a hug can change our clouded day to sunshine.

The third thing I want to share with you is a 2 part video I came across on YouTube uploaded by 'AbrahamHicks'. Both parts run for 10 minutes each and Abraham Hicks is explaining through Esther Hicks (the woman talking) about winning the lottery. I don't want to go into too much detail about the video as it really should be watched to be understood.

Having said that, if this is your first time of encountering the Abraham Hicks teachings then here is a quick outline I have pulled from Wiki on Esther Hicks, to make it a little less confusing when you're trying to work out "Who is Abraham?"

"Esther Hicks is an American inspirational speaker and best-selling author. She has co-authored nine books with her husband Jerry Hicks, presents workshops on the Law of Attraction and appeared in the first release of the film The Secret.^[1] The Hicks' books, including the best-selling series The Law of Attraction, are — according to Esther Hicks — "translated from a group of non-physical entities called Abraham (Hicks describes what she is doing as tapping into "infinite intelligence")."

The videos are here (part 1) and here (part 2).

Hopefully the links I have provided inspire you as much as they have me!

Willow
x x

19 - Wake Up

http://www.youtube.com/user/SDUCTRS 

For some reason today I have decided to make it my mission to help my sister discover her true potential. I have pasted a link to her songs on both the Herfuture.com and Powerful Intentions forums (see side bar for links), and then I asked the following celebrities on twitter to give her a shout out.

• Paris Hilton
• Lady Gaga
• Taylor Swift
• Denise Richards
• Alyssa Milano
• Alyson Hannigan
• Pink
• Rove McManus
• Josh Groban
• Katy Perry
• Eliza Dushku
• Gabrielle Bernstien
• Jessica Simpson
• Mia Michaels
• Simon Pegg
• Tyra Banks
• Kim Kardashian
• Christina Applegate
• Ashton Kutcher
• David Hughes
• Ryan Shelton

I really hope someone with their huge fan base can help her, and if anyone has a twitter account and wants to help me this is what I said... @name Please RT this & plug my sister's youtube channel SDUCTRS - it would mean everything to me! x x Thank you so much!

She is a university student, and in her spare time a singer / songwriter. Her name is Verity and I love her to bits. Her story is her story and I am not going to tell you it, that is her choice, but her songs I feel are worth listening to. With every song that she uploads, I feel she is getting better and better, and her voice is starting to shine.

If you have a moment please vister her youtube channel SDUCTRS and if you feel the same way I do, please leave her a comment of encouragement.

I thank you so much in advance!

Willow
x x

18 - Heaven On Earth

I feel like I am achieving something here, like putting my thoughts down in words is going to get me somewhere, even if I don't know where that will be, I get the feeling that it will be good. It's self satisfaction; the type you get when you say you'll do something, and then follow through and actually stick to your word. That's what this blog is, my follow through. I have to be honest and say I am not always one to do that, or at least in the past. I often have an inspiring idea and a couple of days later I'm doubting it and filing it away under "unachievable". If I didn't know any better I would think I was scared of failure... or maybe it's scared of success? Either way; that fear needs to be addressed... in time. 

There are the exceptions. There is one idea I have had for a number of years now, that I do hope to achieve, and that's learning to surf. I have always dreamed of being a surfer girl. Getting up as dawn breaks and going for a run along the beach, finding the best waves, throwing my board on the roof of my car and spending a couple of hours at the beach before the day begins with some girlfriends and good waves. That's why I love the movie 'Blue Crush'. It's not the best acting, it's not the best script writing, nor is it a huge blockbuster action... even the story line has it's faults, but it's the dream, it's the lifestyle, it's the risk taken, the fear faced and the goal reached. That's why I am going to make surfing as one of my own goals to achieve, it's one of the longest running ideas I have had, and something I am sure about doing.

"You see things; and you say 'why?', but I dream things that never were; and I say 'why not?' - George Bernard Shaw

Willow

x x

17 - It's Time For Change

I have been sitting here trying to find the words I need to blow people away with my first blog, to keep them interested and inspired and coming back for more. Instead, I keep thinking how I used to be so much better at this in school, and the only achievement I am going to have now is mediocre at best. Then it hit me, I am already sabotaging myself before I even begin. This has become my life, and I am sick of it. Last night I had a cry because... well, because of a lot of things, but finally something came from it, I have decided that instead of crying; promising myself change and then doing nothing about it, I am actually going to give myself a chance to change and improve my life.

I have to be honest and say this isn't the first time I have had this revaluation, otherwise I wouldn't have the resources I do now to be able to help me. About a year or so ago I came across 'The Secret' which is fairly well known world wide. I had always known it existed, but never had the desire to read about it. The day I did, my life as I know it changed.

Not always for the best.

I am not going to sit here and bore you with the details, but I am not going to sit here and lie that reading 'The Secret' has opened me up to a world of abundance in every area I could possibly imagine, and I am eternally happy. If anything I have had more ups and downs than I care to go into, and I wouldn't be sitting here worried about my next pay cheque if life had rolled out it's red carpet and led me down a path of inner peace. However, my efforts have been somewhat dismal so to expect big results would be cheating the system, and that is where I intend to change my life.

This blog I have designed as a way to keep myself on track and to stay focused on my personal development, this is my yellow brick road, my virtual diary, and my past, present and future. I know that I am going to come across wicked witches and scary characters, but I also know at the end of the road I am going to be a much happier person, I am going to have new friends, and I hope that if you decide to join me, my experience and stumbles and laughs will help you on your own path to your own destiny, where ever that may be.

I hope my success in doing this for me, will inspire you to make the decision that it's time for change.

Willow

x x