Step One - Feeling
* How can I describe this feeling?
I don't know what feeling I am meant to be feeling. Right now I feel a huge lump in my chest, almost like the pain you get in your neck when you have a sore throat, or you're really nervous. It's almost at the bottom of my lungs, and my shoulders are really tight and my neck is stiff.
* Am I sad, fearful or anxious?
I am anxious that I am not sure if I am going to be able to identify any repressed feelings. I know they are there, and I know there is more than 1, but I don't know where to start! I am also anxious that I am going to harm my baby, as I am 5 months pregnant, but I have come to the conclusion I am doing my baby more harm by doing nothing than by doing something, and by doing this myself I am hoping my baby will come into this world knowing that you have to "feel it to heal it".
* Am I all three, and more?
More. I am also excited that this might work, but if there is one thing my ego is shouting loud and clear is "if this doesn't work then you have nothing left... what's worse, doing this and having nothing, or not doing it and still having hope?"
* Where do I feel this in my body?
My heart.
* What does it feel like?
Well now I am a little sad that I have let my ego take control of my mind right now, but am hopeful that I will get to the bottom of this negative feeling and be able to acknowledge it for what it is, a lie, a deception and a limiting belief.
* Is it raw?
Very.
* Does it have color?
It's almost like the 'nothingness' from the movie The Never Ending Story. It comes in and wipes everything out, having said that I love storms and there is one rolling in outside so it's like I have my own background special effects to this blog. However I wouldn't say it has a color, although I keep thinking Red for some reason.
* What shape is it?
Empty.
* Is it tight?
Consuming and constricting.
* What is underneath it?
Sadness, lost hope, nothingness.
* Is there a word that is associated with it?
Failure.
* A person?
Myself, and maybe my mum. It's always been a habit of mum's that if she can't see how it's going to happen then it can't happen. She never meant it in a bad way, but in a more 'think logical' and 'don't put all your eggs in one basket' kind of way. I blame myself as well for 1) listening to her and 2) letting my ego take off and run with it, so now I have a bad habit of thinking if I can't see how, then it can't happen.
* A time?
All the time.
Step Two - Rethinking
* What are are beliefs I have about myself that are holding me back?
I am always scared to take that final leap of faith and trust everything will be alright. I trust myself, and I trust life.
* How can I describe this feeling?
I don't know what feeling I am meant to be feeling. Right now I feel a huge lump in my chest, almost like the pain you get in your neck when you have a sore throat, or you're really nervous. It's almost at the bottom of my lungs, and my shoulders are really tight and my neck is stiff.
* Am I sad, fearful or anxious?
I am anxious that I am not sure if I am going to be able to identify any repressed feelings. I know they are there, and I know there is more than 1, but I don't know where to start! I am also anxious that I am going to harm my baby, as I am 5 months pregnant, but I have come to the conclusion I am doing my baby more harm by doing nothing than by doing something, and by doing this myself I am hoping my baby will come into this world knowing that you have to "feel it to heal it".
* Am I all three, and more?
More. I am also excited that this might work, but if there is one thing my ego is shouting loud and clear is "if this doesn't work then you have nothing left... what's worse, doing this and having nothing, or not doing it and still having hope?"
* Where do I feel this in my body?
My heart.
* What does it feel like?
Well now I am a little sad that I have let my ego take control of my mind right now, but am hopeful that I will get to the bottom of this negative feeling and be able to acknowledge it for what it is, a lie, a deception and a limiting belief.
* Is it raw?
Very.
* Does it have color?
It's almost like the 'nothingness' from the movie The Never Ending Story. It comes in and wipes everything out, having said that I love storms and there is one rolling in outside so it's like I have my own background special effects to this blog. However I wouldn't say it has a color, although I keep thinking Red for some reason.
* What shape is it?
Empty.
* Is it tight?
Consuming and constricting.
* What is underneath it?
Sadness, lost hope, nothingness.
* Is there a word that is associated with it?
Failure.
* A person?
Myself, and maybe my mum. It's always been a habit of mum's that if she can't see how it's going to happen then it can't happen. She never meant it in a bad way, but in a more 'think logical' and 'don't put all your eggs in one basket' kind of way. I blame myself as well for 1) listening to her and 2) letting my ego take off and run with it, so now I have a bad habit of thinking if I can't see how, then it can't happen.
* A time?
All the time.
Step Two - Rethinking
* What are are beliefs I have about myself that are holding me back?
Step Three - Rethinking + Moving
Today's dance soundtrack is:
30 Seconds To Mars - Closer To The Edge
Gwen Stefain - What You Waiting For?
MGMT - Time To Pretend
I turned the lights off, closed the bedroom door and put on my sleepy eye mask to stop myself from opening my eyes and getting detracted. As soon as the first track started I almost cried because I was actually doing something to move on from my old feelings. I even sang along, but I need to remember to repeat the positive affirmations in my mind as I am dancing. All in all I feel better than I did 15 minutes ago, the feeling of empowerment came to me as I was dancing.
Step Four - Receiving (Meditating/~ing Write)
Guided meditation.
Final thoughts: I need more practice with this. I am constantly detracted by outside noises and worried that someone is gong to walk in on me and think I am a weirdo for meditating. I found myself fidgeting and resisting when I let my ego take over and not get involved in the meditation like I should have done. Having said that I am glad for doing it, and I feel better for completing day 1, even if this last step took a while to do. I know I will get better that this and more comfortable with this, and I know I am going to be a better person because of this.
Willow
x x
For more information on this please head to http://www.addmoreing.com/ and purchase the book "Add More ~ing To Your Life" written by Gabrielle Bernstein, or post a question below in comments and I will try to answer you as best I can.
Thank you for reading.
I turned the lights off, closed the bedroom door and put on my sleepy eye mask to stop myself from opening my eyes and getting detracted. As soon as the first track started I almost cried because I was actually doing something to move on from my old feelings. I even sang along, but I need to remember to repeat the positive affirmations in my mind as I am dancing. All in all I feel better than I did 15 minutes ago, the feeling of empowerment came to me as I was dancing.
Step Four - Receiving (Meditating/~ing Write)
Guided meditation.
Final thoughts: I need more practice with this. I am constantly detracted by outside noises and worried that someone is gong to walk in on me and think I am a weirdo for meditating. I found myself fidgeting and resisting when I let my ego take over and not get involved in the meditation like I should have done. Having said that I am glad for doing it, and I feel better for completing day 1, even if this last step took a while to do. I know I will get better that this and more comfortable with this, and I know I am going to be a better person because of this.
Willow
x x
For more information on this please head to http://www.addmoreing.com/ and purchase the book "Add More ~ing To Your Life" written by Gabrielle Bernstein, or post a question below in comments and I will try to answer you as best I can.
Thank you for reading.
I think it's wonderful you are doing this. Don't worry, while some chapters may be difficult, you WILL see results. There are many tools out there that compliment Gabrielle's work as well, and when you are ready, you will start to see things in a whole new light. I *love* that your referenced the Neverending Story. I admit that came up when doing the mirroring work, which I talked about on my blog. Wonderful start, I love your affirmations and good luck on your journey!
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