Step One - Feeling
* How can I describe this feeling?
Right now I feel like I am not me. This person isn't me. I. CAN'T. FEEL. ME. I am so detached from how I am actually feeling it scares me, or maybe I'm not and I'm not letting my feelings through. I do what I always do and box my feelings away and find myself getting angry at the smallest of issues completely unrelated to anything what-so-ever. My boyfriend told me today that he felt like he didn't know me anymore. This is the man I want to spend the rest of my life with... giving me a HUGE hint that I need to do something to get control of myself, and I once again detached myself from it and replied without emotions. I need help!!
* Am I sad, fearful or anxious?
I am scared that I am going to lose not only myself, but the person I am going to love for the rest of my life as well.
* Am I all three, and more?
It makes me sad.
* Where do I feel this in my body?
My heart mainly, but all over. It sits in my throat.
* What does it feel like?
Like emptiness.
* Is it raw?
Extremely.
* Does it have color?
Black / Gray
* What shape is it?
Black hole
* Is it tight?
Consuming and constricting.
* What is underneath it?
Sadness, lost hope, nothingness.
* Is there a word that is associated with it?
Failure, isolation, being alone.
* A person?
My ex. He used to hurt me to a point I couldn't mentally handle it and I developed a way of "dealing" with my feelings by looking at the situation like it wasn't me in it, just give myself advise and move on... without actually CHANGING anything. It's almost like I have stuck with that stupid notion that by removing my emotions from the equation, they no longer exist and I apply it to all areas when I don't want to 'deal' with emotions.
* A time?
All the time.
Step Two - Rethinking
* What are are beliefs I have about myself that are holding me back?
I am losing my boyfriend. My boyfriend and I are growing stronger together every day.
I am going to end up alone. My boyfriend and I will grow old together and we're going to be a very happy old wrinkly pair.
I am going to lose myself and become some sort of robot without feelings. I am already moving in the opposite direction to become an emotional life force!
I wont be able to handle my emotions when they surface. I am handling my emotions already, and doing a great job of it.
My depression will come back and I wont know what to do. Only if I let it, and I choose to be happy.
Step Three - Rethinking + Moving
Today's dance soundtrack is:
30 Seconds To Mars - Closer To The Edge
Alicia Keys - Wait Till They See My Smile
I turned the lights off, closed the bedroom door and put on my sleepy eye mask to stop myself from opening my eyes and getting detracted. The main thought that came to me was that I shouldn't blame myself for what I did in the past, because at the time it was the best thing I knew how to do, and now I know better and I should use my knowledge now to help free all of my pain. I thought of my boyfriend and I growing old together and I cried.
Step Four - Receiving (Meditating/~ing Write)
Guided meditation.
Final thoughts: I love my boyfriend, why am I holding back from him? What am I afraid of so much that would make me risk losing him? All I have to do to get through ANYTHING is breath. Just continue breathing. I am willing to change.
Willow
x x
For more information on this please head to http://www.addmoreing.com/ and purchase the book "Add More ~ing To Your Life" written by Gabrielle Bernstein, or post a question below in comments and I will try to answer you as best I can.
Thank you for reading.
* How can I describe this feeling?
Right now I feel like I am not me. This person isn't me. I. CAN'T. FEEL. ME. I am so detached from how I am actually feeling it scares me, or maybe I'm not and I'm not letting my feelings through. I do what I always do and box my feelings away and find myself getting angry at the smallest of issues completely unrelated to anything what-so-ever. My boyfriend told me today that he felt like he didn't know me anymore. This is the man I want to spend the rest of my life with... giving me a HUGE hint that I need to do something to get control of myself, and I once again detached myself from it and replied without emotions. I need help!!
* Am I sad, fearful or anxious?
I am scared that I am going to lose not only myself, but the person I am going to love for the rest of my life as well.
* Am I all three, and more?
It makes me sad.
* Where do I feel this in my body?
My heart mainly, but all over. It sits in my throat.
* What does it feel like?
Like emptiness.
* Is it raw?
Extremely.
* Does it have color?
Black / Gray
* What shape is it?
Black hole
* Is it tight?
Consuming and constricting.
* What is underneath it?
Sadness, lost hope, nothingness.
* Is there a word that is associated with it?
Failure, isolation, being alone.
* A person?
My ex. He used to hurt me to a point I couldn't mentally handle it and I developed a way of "dealing" with my feelings by looking at the situation like it wasn't me in it, just give myself advise and move on... without actually CHANGING anything. It's almost like I have stuck with that stupid notion that by removing my emotions from the equation, they no longer exist and I apply it to all areas when I don't want to 'deal' with emotions.
* A time?
All the time.
Step Two - Rethinking
* What are are beliefs I have about myself that are holding me back?
Step Three - Rethinking + Moving
Today's dance soundtrack is:
30 Seconds To Mars - Closer To The Edge
Alicia Keys - Wait Till They See My Smile
I turned the lights off, closed the bedroom door and put on my sleepy eye mask to stop myself from opening my eyes and getting detracted. The main thought that came to me was that I shouldn't blame myself for what I did in the past, because at the time it was the best thing I knew how to do, and now I know better and I should use my knowledge now to help free all of my pain. I thought of my boyfriend and I growing old together and I cried.
Step Four - Receiving (Meditating/~ing Write)
Guided meditation.
Final thoughts: I love my boyfriend, why am I holding back from him? What am I afraid of so much that would make me risk losing him? All I have to do to get through ANYTHING is breath. Just continue breathing. I am willing to change.
Willow
x x
For more information on this please head to http://www.addmoreing.com/ and purchase the book "Add More ~ing To Your Life" written by Gabrielle Bernstein, or post a question below in comments and I will try to answer you as best I can.
Thank you for reading.
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